There is no universal truth, nor is there gold at the end of the rainbow. Sorry.

Sometimes I wonder, "What's even the point?" and it seems that when I speak these thoughts aloud they are shunned. However, it doesn't make the question go away. All life is, in perspective, is an interview, in the religious aspect of course. The way you live here decides where you will go in the afterlife-heaven or hell, correct? I am in no way trying to be psychotic or sacrilegious, it's just people are too close-minded. Enough on that spill, though. On to the main events...
So, I have had like a kazillion (maybe even a trillion) people come up to me and tell me all sorts of rubbish about my life. The popular story of the past few weeks has been: "Oh, I never ever talk to you and stuff, but I just really think you should know your boyfriend is cheating on you." Of course, trying to be open-minded and see all sides of the party I give the accused the benefit of the doubt. On one side people are getting angry with me for letting it go easily, while on the other side the ones who I care for and who care for me tell me to let it go. And the one person who I can/could always count on is getting mad at ME for telling him what I heard. Justice is non-existent. I always tell my friend, Milli, not to worry about pleasing other people, but now that I am in her shoes I can see that it's IMPOSSIBLE to even decide what you want to do when people are hurdling a thousand possible-truths/possible-lies at you. Now, don't get me wrong. I am completely aware of what I wish my situation could be and was. In my ideal land of happiness, Josh and I would be completely and utterly in love and the only comment people would ever make about us is "I wish I could love like that," and, too, we would never fight. However, I try not to sit in this land too long because then I would loose all sight of reality. Reality is that things kinda suck, and things always kinda suck. If you look hard enough you can easily see your world crumbling down around you. And don't get me wrong, mi amgios, I am not claiming to be Little Miss Saintress who never fights, complains, or is completely dedicated, but I do bust my ass trying to keep the one thing that actually means a lot to me. Sometimes, that effort does NOT feel mutual. Maybe it's because everyone is throwing all these blows at me or maybe it's because the effort is, indeed, not mutual. Whatever the case, it's hard to ignore multiple rumors when before they even started you felt unloved (ahem.) I have no advice to offer anymore, and none that I am willing to accept. All I have in front of me right now is a group of supportive/non-supportive people and a motherload of rumors/truths. (Note: I am purely only giving both side the benefit of the doubt. I am trying to remain partial while examining my situation.) So it seems there is ALWAYS room for improvement, so I am going to try to kickstart that initiative, seeing as I have some help. I no longer feel like aimlessly ranting, though. Buuutttt, since everyone reading already knew or now is enlightened with my situation, I find no problem in adressing a certain person on my blog, on the intraweb.

Dear "Jim",
The time has come where I find it more than necessary to write, ranting to you on my blog that you probably have no concern for or will read. But since I'm giving the benefit of the doubt so often, I will grant it here too, that you might just mosey your way on here and read this rant addressed to you. Things haven't exactly been going "our way" lately, and by "our way" I probably mean "my way" because I am no longer sure what it is you want. Honestly, I don't know what you want to anymore. I don't know how to please you..and hearing all of this stuff-all of these hurtful things makes me wonder...what is it that's wrong with me? Can you answer that for me, please? Things that you used to say and things I loved to hear are no more. Please tell me why. Please tell me where our love has ran off to and how we can bring it back here-with us. I miss you. I miss how things used to be--before all of these ludicrous rumors. They obviously have some sort of drive and I want it terminated. I am the damsel in distress and my prince charming has gone missing. Please bring him home, please. Make all of this hurt go away. All I want is you back. I miss my baby.
Love you Always,
Your More Than Average Upset Girlfriend.

Folks, I must apologize for the suckiness of the quality of this blog. Please keep in mind that it is a Monday and that my head is spinning so fast I don't know up from down. I'll do better next time, I promise. At least I got it out...for now.