Shh.

I've got a secret. You do too. Don't try to deny it to yourself. My secret has officially backed me into a corner and is threatening me for my life. It's after full-fledged consumption of all that is in me. I've got no where to turn. It's not like I can tell anymore people than I have. No, not without ruining my life. They can't really help me either, despite their best efforts. You may be thinking that I am making things seem worse than they are, and you may be right. Typically I don't really think things will "ruin my life," but this time is different. I keep telling myself if I try not to think about it then it will go away. However, I find my secret eating away at me, making it almost impossible to have thoughts that don't drift toward it. Even in class now my secret (of course not in the context as my secret) has been brought up, ridiculed, and made fun of in more ways than one. I can't take sitting there and acting like it doesn't hurt anymore. It does. I wonder if there is anyone else with my secret that I can talk to...see how they plan on getting rid of it. These past few weeks all I have been doing is sleeping when I get home and waking only when forced. All of these efforts are to maintain distance from what I have plagued myself with. The distancing is making me distant from the people I love. The one person I hold dearest won't even talk about it with me because "it breaks their heart." That hurts. I guess I understand that, though. But they don't realize, like I have finally come to see, that it must be faced. It won't go way on it's own, but it honestly seems like there is no good solution. I'm trying. I'm fighting the best I can, but I'm sinking out here on this ship all alone and I need a lighthouse to guide me to better days again. My lighthouse may be nearer than I can see, but I'm opening my eyes as wide as I can. Perhaps there is no lighthouse for me. Maybe I'm doomed to cope with my secret. That would mean that I'd have a constant companion. But I don't want that kind of friend. I want it to leave. I want to run, I want to run so far away that my secret will never catch me. I don't think that even Sonic himself could outrun this, though. I hate feeling like this and I'd love nothing more than to stop feeling this way, but I can't. Something must be done. I have to weigh my options and figure out what is the best way to pull myself out of this quicksand.